All Grown Up

After two years of running my tutorial center, I have come to a decision to leave the business to my siblings. My younger brothers are now trained to do the administrative work and the teaching. In two years, I am proud to say that we have established a clientele in our area. In fact, I am not advertising our business since we do not employ other tutors other than ourselves. We relied entirely on word-of-mouth. Satisfied parent-clients refer us to other parents needing tutorial services for their children. I'm sure that I can now rely on my younger brothers to take over. I may just be required to check on them once in a while. They are all grown up and ready.

I know another boy who has grown up. I just feel bad that I feel he has grown up without my knowledge. Though I know that it is natural for little boys to grow up and spread their wings someday, I still think that it's too soon. That boy is Rap. My only child. The apple of my eye. The third part of me (the other part of me is my husband).

He seldom hugs me anymore. He doesn't want me to kiss him as I him lead him out of the door to the school bus service in the morning. He seldom says I love you back when I tell him that I love him. And when he does, it's usually a murmur with a raised eyebrow and a tone of annoyance. Last night, I got home after a toxic day of teaching and he pretended to be asleep on the sofa so he won't be obliged to give me a warm welcome.

I was deeply hurt. I got so disappointed that I blurted out "Kung ayaw mo na sa akin, ayaw ko na rin sa iyo!" ("If you don't love me anymore, then I won't love you back!"). I told him that he will realize my worth once he discovers that I'm gone. I slept with a heavy heart. I guess he felt my hurt that he slept inside his bedroom although it's Friday night. We allow him to sleep on a sleeping pad spread on our bedroom floor every Friday and Saturday nights.

Early this morning, I went to his room to prepare his uniform for today's MTAP training. I had the urge to lie beside him and hug him. I thought that hugging him while he's asleep is best because he cannot resist my embrace. To my surprise, he put his arms and legs around me and locked me in a tight embrace. I heard the warmest "Good morning, Mommy!" I have ever heard in my entire life. We lingered in his bed for another half hour before we got up to prepare for school. I guess he had the time to think about what I said last night.

Yes, my boy's all grown up. But this time, I'm feeling better about it. He's all grown up in a sense that he can now fully comprehend the things that I tell him. I have already seen some changes this morning. Even when we had breakfast at a fastfood chain before going to school, he put his arm around my waist as we were walking out of the door. I'm looking forward to sweeter days with my Big Boy.